I sew A LOT. I sew bags, children’s clothing, aprons, baby carriers of all types, if two pieces of material are near me, I will probably sew them together. However, I rarely sew clothing for myself.
The problem was, that I never had a dress form and I don’t have any sewing friends that live near me, so measuring accurately was a problem. Try explaining to a very bored, half annoyed hubby type person, that you need “this measurement. No, don’t just whip it around me, actually take your time…DON’T LOOK AT THAT!!! Just stick your finger there and let me see it. Wait, you dropped it. What do you mean you’re done? I’m not done, I have 6 more measurements. Where are you going? WAIT!!!”
I decided that I need a dress form. I looked around, and because I’m cheap, and I am an odd shape (more the odd shape, then the cheap part. When it comes to sewing or knitting, I have no problem spending the rent money ), I realized I was going to have to make one. Now, remember the “no sewing friends” bit? Well, if you have no friends that will take your measurements in your bra and panties, you probably have no friends that will wrap you in duct tape. So back to hubby…
“Honey, how much do you love me?”
“Well, I really need a dress form and you can make one out of duct tape, and you love duct tape sooo…”
“Duct tape? How the hell does that work?”
“Well, see I put a tshirt on, and you start wrapping me in the tape…”
“Why not? It’s a legitimate thing…See here, everyone on craftster does it!”
“Hell, no, that’s just weird”
“It’s not weird, it’s practical. See how much these dress forms are? Duct tape is $3 a roll.”
“I am NOT, under any circumstances, wrapping you in duct tape.”
I thought about this for about a month. I kept asking. I even asked Miss Teen (even though I was pretty sure she would never cut the duct tape off of me). I begged, I promised “favors”, I even tried crying. No dice.
Then my poor unsuspecting sister came down for a wedding dress fitting. She lives two hours away, so I knew she would be here awhile…so I pounced. On a day of intense 95 degree heat, I went out and bought 3 rolls of duct tape and my sister started wrapping me up.
Here’s the thing no one ever tells you about the duct tape dress form…It’s hot, and confining, and if you are claustrophobic, it’s just torture. But I was determined. My family came in the sewing room to watch. The baby cried, my husband and mother in law laughed, Miss Teen wanted to take pictures, I tried not to hyperventilate. After about 45 minutes, I got cut out of it, and realized she taped my arms, not the sleeves of the shirt, my actual arms and that HURT!!!!
I closed it up, and stuffed it, and then I sat and looked at it. Then I cried, I mean really, really cried. Bed rest for 6 months does absolutely nothing for your figure. Even though I know what my measurements are (as taken by me, which is not completely accurate and therefore I can discount them), and I know what I look like in the sewing room mirror, there is no denying the life size duct tape sculpture that is sitting on my cutting table.
I cried for quite awhile, then I got determined. I looked around for a reward and I decided on this dressform. When I get back to my normal size, I can buy it.
Now, what did I sew once I got the dress form finished? A completely shapeless tank top because everyone knows…if wear a tent, no one will ever suspect that you are overweight and it’s too hot for the muumuu 🙂