I’m a geek. Not the “oh, your such a geek!” kind. No, I’m the “head in a computer constantly, always thinking about something that has nothing to do what is going on, not had a hair cut in over 6 months, rumpled clothes and really don’t care, seriously awkward with actual humans (but fine online), don’t leave the house unless it’s for groceries or someone makes me” kind of geek. Ummm…yeah…there you go, I’ve admitted it. (Not that I have a problem admitting it, I’ve been a geek all my life. If I wasn’t ok with it by now, I think I’d need some serious counseling.)
Well, that would be fine if it was just Steve and I. He’s as much a geek as I am. We’d just never leave the house and probably not actually speak out loud to one another. However, it’s not just Steve and I. We have kids. Kids that actually want to leave the house once in awhile, kids that want to have friends, kids that need their mother to interact with other people.
This is probably the hardest part of my job as a Mom. I know that sounds silly. It sounds silly when I say it to myself. I’m 36 year old mother and I don’t know how to interact with other mothers. I don’t belong to any Mom groups. The only friends my kids have are their cousins. Well, that’s not completely true — my older kids have friends. But the 3 year old only plays with his cousins. The really terrible part of that is that most of the time my mother in law is the one that arranges and makes these play dates happen. If it was up to me, my kids would never leave the house. This makes me a terrible Mom, I know this. You don’t have to tell me.
We are planning on moving back to my home town in the very near future. My hope is that once I’m back in a place that I’m comfortable, this will no longer be an issue. People know me there. They are used to my faux pas. They may not understand me, but they are used to me. I’ve always been slightly (ok, more than slightly) outside the norm. And, I can talk to everyone because we have a common background. There is a conversation starter there. Plus, thanks to Facebook, I’m relatively current on what is going on in their lives.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t help my kids now. I’m trying to get over my fear of people. And, yes it is a fear. I’ve started by signing my kids up for programs at the library. When we are out at the playground I try to make a point of talking to other mothers. I remind myself that it’s important for my children and that I don’t have to be best friends with the adult for my kids to be friends with their kids. All I have to do is act relatively normal for a few hours and not bore them to tears with talk of computers and operating systems and programming languages. Yeppers, I’m that person. My family has told me more than once that they are sure Steve and I speak another language.
Would I like to fit in with the other mothers? Yes, I would. I also understand that it’s not going to happen until I find another true geekchick. We just don’t have much to talk about. I seem to have nothing in common with anyone around here. Heck, I can’t even find another crafter to befriend. Let alone another geek girl with kids. When you live in an area surrounded by Mennonites and Amish, you can’t really expect to find another Mom with an interest in Linux and perl. And, although they are wonderful crafters, they aren’t out at the coffee shops knitting away and talking about the newest Twilight movie.
I’m stuck. I either need to move back home where people know me or move to a larger city where there’s more of a chance of meeting someone like me. Until that time, I will have to fake interest in “Mommy” talk so my kids have a chance to make real friends.