When I found out I was pregnant with my youngest, I seriously questioned God’s wisdom. Steve was just recovering from his second back surgery in two years and we didn’t know what the future was going to bring. I had no health insurance. Steve’s disability payments were barely covering our basic living expenses. I was scared.
During the pregnancy, it seemed that everything that could go wrong did. Steve didn’t recover the way he should have.. My pelvis separated, and I ended up in a wheelchair for the last two months of the pregnancy. My grandfather passed away. I was depressed, frustrated and angry.
Right after he was born, Steve started experiencing horrible medication problems. He couldn’t care for himself, let alone help with a newborn and a three year old. When the baby was less than a month old, Steve went into the hospital for a week for medication issues. At two months, Steve had a third back surgery which resulted in some terrible complications. The first months of this baby’s life were completely horrible for me. I questioned my sanity, I questioned my ability as a Mom, I questioned my existence.
But, no matter what, this child clung to me and made me see what was important. He and his brothers were the light that kept me going, kept me looking for a way through.
Now that things are settled down, this little boy is still my light. The other two boys gravitate to their Daddies. This one is mine. He makes me laugh every day. He always seeks me out when he’s sad, lonely or just wandered too far away from me. Even at home, he doesn’t leave my side for more than a few minutes at a time. He’s a complete Mama’s boy and I don’t mind a bit.
He enjoys the same things I do. He loves to color and play with his trains (I am a huge Thomas fan, don’t let my age fool you!). He loves to read books and take pictures with my phone. I can’t wait until he’s old enough for me to teach him how to sew and scrapbook. He’s the one who will be interested, I can tell.
I no longer question God’s wisdom for sending me this precious gift. It seemed God knew I needed a Mama’s boy. He also obviously knew I was going to need something to keep me going during one of the darkest periods of my life. I am grateful everyday for this little angel who was sent at the exact right time.